How to Write Gooder:

1. Always avoid alliteration.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. Avoid clichés like the plague. They're old hat.

4. Employ the vernacular.

5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8. Contractions aren't necessary.

9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

10. One should never generalize.

11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

12. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.

13. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. Be more or less specific.

15. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

16. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

18. The passive voice is to be avoided.

19. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

20. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

21. Who needs rhetorical questions?

22. Don't use no double negatives.

23. About those sentence fragments.

24. Try to not ever split infinitives.

25. Between you and I, case is important.

26. Corect speling is essantiel.

27. When dangling, watch your participles.

28. Use apostrophe's correctly.

29. Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.

30. Proofread you writing.

 


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